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Oh boy! The new iPhone is coming. It’s only going to be 200 bucks and it’s going to do everything except wipe my ass for me. But wait, Android phones are coming and they’re going to be the best thing to happen to phones since the invention called push buttons. What do I do? Buy an iPhone or wait for Android? I have to think this through because this will be a make or break decision for me and all my loser friends at the dead end job I’m working at.
If you’re detecting a bit of sarcasm it’s because I’m shoveling it on really thick. You see I don’t give a shit about the super cell phone pissing contest. I don’t want to text you. I don’t want to take your picture with a shitty camera, or shoot even shittier video of you. I don’t have a use for GPS because I have the ability to actually read a map unlike most of you dumb shits. I also don’t like the idea of paying phone companys money so they can Lojack me. I don’t want games on my phone. I don’t want to watch you tube on my phone. All I want to do is make phone calls.
So here’s what I need. I need a phone the size of my blue tooth headset that is an actual phone. I don’t want to carry a phone and a headset. Put a little LCD readout on it so I can program numbers into it and I can see my caller ID. Sell the fucker to me for 50 bucks and give me unlimited anytime minutes for 20 bucks a month. I know it seems too simple to make sense to you idiot cell phone providers but if you make this phone and charge what I told you, you know what you’ll have?…..
…… That iPhone killer that everyone seems to be looking for.
So long fuckers,
Fight the power,
Robutt Deniro
