Kicking Knowledge

So on Saturday we went golfing at Southridge.  Jedi pissed on himself, Robutt got pissed and I got pissed drunk and along the way we came up with a new golf scoring system.

See the videos and pictures attached along with now what is referred to as the

The Kicking Knowledge Golf Scoring System:

Awesome, good and no good are based on consensus of your party.

• Awesome - plus 5
• Good - zero points
• No Good - negative 5
• Lost Ball entire score x 2
• Fuck You Next Hole (buy everyone a round of drinks)
• Add up all holes played
• Divide entire score by the number of drink consumed
• Player closest to zero wins
• Bonus - Ball stuck in tree gets you automatic zero for entire round

Basically the better you are at golf the more you have to drink to have any chance at winning.

Disclaimer: No animals were hurt doing the creation of this scoring system, if you are a recovering alcoholic just divide by the numbers of beers you would have drank, we at Kicking Knowledge are not responsible for any damaged golf carts, golf clubs, golf balls or beer chics.

Jedi Swayze says “Don’t cross the strings…”

Barack teeing off from hole 2

Robutt teeing off from hole 2

Jedi teeing off from hole 2

This is where me and Jedi un-hitched Robutt and Mevy’s clubs before they pulled off.  Classic golf trick and funny as shit.  Robutt didn’t seem to think so though…see next video

Robutt getting pissed because Mevy’s clubs fell off the cart.

This is where Jedi did a swoop and grab on the stray golf ball as I was driving.  What you don’t see is me almost driving us off into a water trap right after.

I want to start off by saying that I love video games.  For the most part I think they are great but, there seems to be a trend happening in video games that makes me want to put a stick in my eye.  The trend I speak of, is trying to make games “Ultra Realistic”.  Why the hell would you want to do that?  If I want something real I’ll go play in traffic.  When I play video games I want to do things I can’t do or get away with in real life.  I want big explosions, ruthless violence, huge car crashes, and completely unrealistic physics.  I don’t want to have to worry about my stamina level, my fuel gauge, or trying to pick a balanced weapon that can only hold a certain number bullets.  Gran Turismo and Metal Gear Solid 3 are perfect of examples of what I’m talking about.  Don’t get me wrong they are both finely produced games but, they try way too hard to be “Super realistic.”  I don’t want to race a Honda Civic around a track for days on end only to have to keep “pimping it out” like I’m some Jerk-off from the Fast and the Furious or some dolt who pops my hood up and chills at the Taco Bell parking lot.  I want the damn Dodge Viper or any other car that I can’t afford.  Then I want to jump the damn thing over 18 busses and into a bag full of kittens.  I don’t want to worry about whether my camoflauge matches the “Deep Jungle Area” that I’m running through or if I have enough anti-septic and bandages to make sure I survive.  Just put a damn health vile under a rock to heal me and give me gun that in no way can exist in the real world to blow out the ass-end of anything that gets in my way.  You may say “Well Jedi Swayze, what about sports games?”  Well, most of us tried NFL Blitz and yes I agree completely with the rest of you, We’ve all taken dumps better than that piece of crap but, let’s think about NBA Jam.  Anyone who says that a “NBA simulation” game is better than a NBA Jam type game is just saying to piss you off or just took some deep breathes into a bag of rubber cement.  So game developers let’s keep the body count high and arcade style game play and keep the realism where it should be, not in video games.

This is the place where I stop giving a Shit.

Jedi Swayze

I’ve notice that the Fauxhawk has really picked up some steam latly.  I seem to be seeing it everywhere and I would just like to say STOP.  The fauxhawk is not a hair cut.  It’s a joke you used to do in the bathtub when you were 3 years old to make your mom laugh.  I guess it’s the new mullet, but instead of business up top and party in the back, it’s look I’m normal at work, but after work LOOK OUT! I’m a rebel.  Maybe It’s just me but everytime I see a F-Hawk (look I made a duche haircut even douchyer buy giving it a douchy shortened name.) I can’t help but think, grow a pair and get a real hawk, the Mo.

So long Fuckers

Fight the power

Robutt Deniro

Do you hate to get terrible service when you go out to dinner? I know I do. You see there are certain people who shouldn’t do certain jobs. Less than average size people shouldn’t be firemen, paraplegics should not be rescue swimmers and anyone with missing fingers shouldn’t be handling meat. Now I am a firm believer in equal rights (to a certain extent) but not equal pay, if you suck at your job you shouldn’t be doing it…let me explain…

One might say I am a tad bit critical because I grow up in the restaurant business. My family owned several restaurants and I either worked in the kitchen or as a waiter for a good portion of my teens and early twenties. This growing up in the restaurant business makes me an “authority” in the ways of waiting tables and how waiters and waitresses should conduct themselves. Now before I get too much into this I want to say that this post is not targeted to the waiters/waitresses who actually know what is going on. If you are reading this you know who you are, you are the ones always helping out and getting your less coordinated co-workers out of the weeds, you are the ones always being stopped by other tables and asked for something they have been waiting for and you are the ones who make good money waiting tables. See, I actually respect and admire a good waiter or waitresses because it takes talent to make someone’s dining experience enjoyable.

Ok, for the other less fortunate waiters out there who really shouldn’t be even around food, people or public places here goes…

If any of this sounds familiar you more than likely should not be waiting tables and should seek another career like flipping burgers at Taco Bell.

1. If you need to run to the kitchen and ask what the soup of the day is, go fill out an application at Taco Bell.
2. If you don’t know what the kitchen is out of then you need to head on over to Dairy Queen and get me a cherry dip. The “86 Board” isn’t the big secret you think it is, so fucking open your fat eyes and read the damn thing.
3. If you walk by my table to go have a smoke in the back and leave dirty dishes and empty glasses in my way of having a good time you need to have your legs broken.
4. If you come to the table and ask me how everything is when I’m chewing my food you need to have your eyes checked.
5. If I have to ask for something more than once than you need to have your head examined or maybe start taking some of the pills to help you remember shit.
6. And finally if you are just walking around randomly looking confused because two, three tops are just way too much to comprehend then maybe you can get in over at McDonalds, they still need help making fries Corky.

Bitter maybe, angry yes. I grow up in a time when waiting tables was a profession and when you went out to eat it was actually enjoyable. Today these so called “pseudo waiters” are ruining the casual dining experience for most of us hard working Americans. Getting rid of bad waiters and waitresses is as easy as not tipping.

If I’ve said it once I’ve said it a thousand times “if you can’t handle the heat, you should just end it now”

     You are the one that’s not important.  And just so you don’t take me out of context or twist my words alow me to make myself clear.  You are a senile, out of touch asshole.  Maybe, if you can find the time in your busy day, you can stop sucking George W’s cock long enough to go fuck yourself.  You are an embarassment as a senator and a human being.  Hopfully someone close to you will read this and let you know what I said since you’re a fucking idiot who does’nt know how to use a computer.  So in closing could you please just let the shit spill in your pants like normal, instead of out of your mouth.

Yours truly,

Robutt Deniro

P.S.  We here at Kicking Knowledge do think it’s important when the men and women stationed in the Middle East come home.  We hope it happens ASAP and they make it back with all body parts and mental sanity intact.

P.S.S  Fuck you again Senator John Mcain.